In shaa Allah, Every Muslim that has attained the puberty stage should be more focus on the discussing topic more than any other.
We appreciate your eagerness to learn the attributes which will help you to choose a righteous husband, in shaa Allah. As well as for those that have married and wish to study the attributes from their chosen spouse.
There follows a description of the most important qualities which should be present in the man or woman whom you choose or accept to be your husband/wife and the father/mother of your children, if Allah decrees that you will have children.
(1) Religious commitment. This is the most important thing to look for in the spouse you want to marry. Such person should be a Muslim who adheres to all the laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman’s guardian (wali) should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on outward appearances. Such that many beards keeper are doing that for fashion and not religious.
One of the most important things to ask about is the man’s prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat his or her spouse in all matrimonial issues; if they both love each other for the sake of Allah. A pious spouse honours the other companion, and if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):
“and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you”
In another verse of the glorious Quran, Allah say;
“Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat 49:13]
“Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)”
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).
As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that both party should come from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage to one woman, or a man has the opportunity to meet two sisters at a time and they are equal in terms of religious commitment, then preference should be given to the one who comes from a good family that is known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the other person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment – because the righteousness of the husband or wife’s close relatives could be passed on to their children and the good origins and lineage may make them refrain from many foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and grandfather are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord”
See how Allaah protected their father’s wealth for the two boys after the father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family and his parents are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him as an honour to his parents.
As for male, It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth…”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1480).
It is not essential that he should be a businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that will keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything. If there is a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man who is wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over the wealthy man.
(2) It is preferable that the selected spouse should be kind and gentle towards the partner in relationship, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to beat women a lot.
(3) It is good if they are sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.
(4) It is preferable that they should have knowledge of the Qur’aan and Sunnah; if you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should realize that this is something rare.
It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the presence of her mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for him to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or to meet repeatedly for no reason.
Someone asked me about courtship in Islam? I felt reluctant to answer because of the present situation of today’s ummah. They find it difficult to understand the truth that islam neither against it totally or support it vehemently. What is prohibited is fornication because Allah has warned against it in Surat Noor (The Light)
However, if it happened to be a developed Islamic and Muslim countries where Islamic law bound everything there is solution to courtship. The concern party are to guided strictly by the following;
1.Short interval between the time and marriage which may not be too longer than expected.
2.They see in masjid or any available counselor’s office when meeting.
3.They never see more than expected part of their body, especially what is bound to be seen or stated in the sharia.
4.There must be at least a cogent reason that delay the nikkah.
5.They will have no access to the right or responsibilities that is always between spouses.
6.The both parent must have witnessed the journey between them and ready to grant their nikkah for consummation.
According to Islam, the woman’s wali (guardian) should check on the man who proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know him, about his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an honest opinion and sincere, sound advice.
Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on a particular person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that which is good. Consult physical usyaz on Salaat al-Istikhaarah. Then after you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He is the best of helpers, may He be glorified.
Subhanaka Allahumoh wabihamdika ash adu an laa ilaha ila Anta Robbi astagfiruka wa atubu ilayk.
Wa Salam alaykum waramotullahi wabarakatu.
Que : Salaam alaikum warhmatullah wabarakatu. is it allowed to marry a man whose parents are Christian???
Ans : In shaa Allah,
There is nothing bad in it if the man is ready to revert to Islam and must have started practising the religion of Islam before marriage. Evidence for this is found in suratul Baqorah.
It is better to marry a man whose family practises Islam because of the danger in the formal. They family may later victimise you and turn your marriage into regret if you don’t dance to their religion’s tune.
Allah knows best.
Que l : What’s Islam’s view on boyfriend and girlfriend / courtship ???
Ans : In shaa Allah,
There is nothing like boyfriend and girlfriend in Islam. The only friendship that can occur between the two opposite sex should not exceed tesleem, other cogent related issues and must not be in Private.
We all understand what they mean by boyfriend and girlfriend to be led into fornication and this is a great fitnah.
As for courtship, it is the interval of time spacious between agreed time and marriage consummation. If two people have the opportunity to seek for each other hand in marriage and they both agreed, what should follow is to plan for marriage but the time between this and marriage time is call courtship. (discussed in the lecture)
Many of us have turned this into avenue to practise fornication because they engage in it for five, or more years. This is not acceptable.
And Allah knows best.
Que :What if both partner have seen each others nakedness due to that they love each other so much but unfortunately they don’t marry each other???
Ans : In shaa Allah,
There is no way (islamically) where both of them can see each other nakedness except in the issue of ignorance or unbelievers. It is not easy for anyone to see a well dressed sister in nude and a moral brother who has already learnt to cover awrah in such case.
However, if the scenario happened that way, that means they should go ahead and marry but if what you meant is that they had sex that means they would be flogged with 100 lashes and separate them before coming back and marry each other.
Allah knows best.
Que : Is it good Islamically for a man or a lady to have many men (boyfriends) or women (girlfriends) to be dating or as proposal. Please Malam I want you to enlight us about dis bcoz dat is the attitude of some men and women of today
Ans : In shaa Allah,
All these fall under fornication and it should be treated with the same rulings.
In shaa Allah we will be discussing the rulings on formication in the next lecture.
If there is no more question we say; “Salam alaykum waramotullahi wabarakatu ”