PROPHETHIC MARITAL LESSON

This lesson is for both singles and married that want an Islamic happy home.

I start with the praying of husband and wife together

It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 raka’aat together on their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest generation of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:

[a] First: On the authority of Abu Sa’eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said:

‘I got married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of the Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas’ood, Abu Dharr and Hudhayfah. When the prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step forward when the others said to him: ‘No!’ He said: ‘Is it so?’ And they said: ‘Yes.’ Then, I stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a slave possessed. They taught me, saying: ‘When your wife comes to you, pray 2 raka’aat. Then, ask Allaah for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.’ [Ibn Abee Shaybah and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq]

[b] Second: On the authority of Shaqeeq who said:

A man named Abu Hareez came and said: ‘I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.’ ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said to him: “Verily, closeness is from Allaah, and hatred is from Shaytaan, who wishes to make despicable that which Allaah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 raka’aat.’ In another version of the same story, “‘Abdullaah went on to say: ‘And say: ‘O Allaah give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allaah join us together as long as You join us in good, and split us apart if You send to us that which is better.'” [Ibn Abee Shaybah and at-Tabaraanee and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh].

(A) The bathing of husband and wife together

It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is established by a number of authentic hadeeth, among them.

[1] On the authority of ‘Aa.ishah (radhi-yAllaahu ‘anhaa) who said:

‘I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!’ She added: `We were in a state of Janaabah (i.e. the state of having slept together).’ [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].

[2] On the authority of Mu’aawiyah ibn Haydah, who said:

‘I said: `O Messenger of Allaah, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?’ The Prophet answered:

«Guard your nakedness except from your wife or those whom your right hand possesses.” (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch the body of his or her companion even the private parts).» He said: `O Messenger of Allaah, what about if the relatives live together with each other?’ The Prophet answered:

«If you can make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so.» He said: `O Messenger of Allaah, what about when one is alone?’ The Prophet said:

«Allaah is more deserving of your modesty than are the people.» [Ahmad, Abu Daawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].

(B) Making wudhoo after sex and before sleeping

It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first perform wudhoo. There are various hadeeth about this, among them:

[a] First: On the authority of ‘Aa.ishah who said:

‘Whenever the Prophet wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaabah (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform wudhoo as for prayer.’ [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].

[b] Second: On the authority of Ibn ‘Umar who said:

‘O Messenger of Allaah, should we go to sleep in a state of Janaabah?” The Prophet answered:

«Yes, after making wudhoo.» [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].

In another version:

«Perform wudhoo and wash your private parts, and then sleep.» [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].

And, in another version:

«Yes, you can perform wudhoo, sleep, and bathe whenever you want.» [Muslim and al-Bayhaqee].

And, in still another version:

«Yes, and perform wudhoo if you wish.» (This last version proves that this wudhoo is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzaymah and Ibn Hibbaan: Saheeh].

[c] Third: On the authority of ‘Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet said:

«There are three which the angels will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs wudhoo.» [Abu Daawood, Ahmad and others: Hasan].

(C) Making wudhoo between 2 acts with one’s wife

When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform wudhoo, based on the statement of the Prophet:

«When one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to return another time, let him perform wudhoo between the 2 times (In another version, the same wudhoo which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his return.» [Muslim, Ibn Abee Shaybah and others].

Bathing is preferable.

Bathing, however, is preferable to merely making wudhoo in such situations. Abu Raafi’ narrates: “That the Prophet made the rounds of all his wives one night, bathing in the house of each one. He (i.e. the narrator) asked the Prophet:

‘Couldn’t you have just bathed once (i.e. at the end)? The Prophet answered:

«This way is purer, cleaner and better.» [Abu Daawood, an-Nasaa.ee: Hasan in “al-‘Ishrah”, and others].

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